Myths About Domestic Violence

Common Myths About Domestic Violence:

Domestic violence only happens to poor women and women of color.
* Domestic violence happens in all kinds of families and relationships. Persons of any class, culture, religion, sexual orientation, marital status, age, and sex can be victims or perpetrators of domestic violence.

Some people deserve to be hit.
* No one deserves to be abused. Period.
* Physical violence, even among family members, is wrong and against the law.

Alcohol, drug abuse, stress, and mental illness cause domestic violence.
* Alcohol use, drug use, and stress do not cause domestic violence; they may go along with domestic violence, but they do not cause the violence. Abusers often say they use these excuses for their violence.
* Generally, domestic violence happens when an abuser has learned and chooses to abuse.
* Domestic violence is rarely caused by mental illness, but it is often used as an excuse for domestic violence.

Domestic violence is a personal problem between a husband and a wife.
* Domestic violence affects everyone.
* About 1 in 4 American women have been physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives.
* 40% to 60% of men who abuse women also abuse children.

If it were that bad, she would just leave.
* There are many reasons why women may not leave. Not leaving does not mean that the situation is OK or that the victim wants to be abused.

NOTE: I realize that leaving can be dangerous. It is true that the most dangerous time for a woman who is being abused is when she tries to leave. Still, staying only enables the abuse to continue. If one leaves there is at least about a 50% chance of survival. If the victim stays, there is about a 100% chance the victim will die, unless the abusive spouse dies before he/she kills the victim. It is best to make a safety plan for an escape to leave your abuser once and for all. Trust me. I took the 50% chance, fled my abuser, and live today to tell about it. Had I stayed, I'm certain I would be dead by now.

SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP:

Do you:
* feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
* avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
* feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
* believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
* wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
* feel emotionally numb or helpless?

Does your partner:
* humiliate, criticize, or yell at you?
* treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
* ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
* blame you for his own abusive behavior?
* see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

Does your partner:
* have a bad and unpredictable temper?
* hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
* threaten to take your children away or harm them?
* threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
* force you to have sex?
* destroy your belongings?

Does your partner:
* act excessively jealous and possessive?
* control where you go or what you do?
* keep you from seeing your friends or family?
* limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
* constantly check up on you?

If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).